Drunk Antics
by Navek
Summary: A series of short blurbs about what happens when the cast of Fairy Tail: A New Day get wasted.


**Author's Note 1: The following takes place a year before A New Day.**

It was usual night for Fairy Tail. Gray was stripping naked, Macao & Wakaba were exchanging stories, Laki was talking about stuff (that no one could comprehend.) All in all, a pretty normal day as Mirajane was wiping the bar counter. But she then heard a groan and saw Zeke with his face on the bar and Natsu patting him on the back.

"What's wrong, Zeke?" The white-haired barmaid asked.

"Levy and me broke up." The archer sadly stated, shocking the barmaid.

"Really? But you two were so cute together!" Mira stated. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Zeke replied as he looked up. "We sat down and talked about where we wanted our relationship to go. I was looking for something serious and she was just looking to have some fun."

"I still don't get it." Natsu stated, confused at this.

"That's because you and Alyssa have been all over each other since day one." The three turned and saw Cana halfway through her second beer mug. "You guys have a disgustingly perfect relationship. Unlike the rest of us."

"Hey, we go through the same troubles as any other couple." The dragon-slayer stated, remembering how earlier this week, the orange-haired amazon had broken his hammock during...activities.

"Riiiiight." Cana skeptically replied. "Anyways Zekey, you just need to drink your sorrows away. That's what I do."

Zeke thought about it for a minute. "Aw, what the hell? I feel like crap anyway."

Mira slid Zeke and Natsu two beer mugs and the two started their night at the bar.

 _ **Three drinks later...**_

"You know what I'm going to miss the most about Levy?" A slightly tipsy Zeke asked the other four at the bar.

"Her spunk?" A still sober Natsu guessed.

"Her intelligence?" Cana guessed.

"Her cuteness?" Mira guessed.

"Nope. Her incredibly spank-able ass!" The archer cheered, making the others uncomfortable. "Seriously, you could bounce a jewel off that ass! And I have."

"Another beer please!" Cana quickly asked.

"Same here!" Natsu followed up, not wanting to hear about his best friend's 'private time' with his ex.

 _ **Seven drinks later...**_

"Are you sure this real alcohol? 'Cause I'm not feeling anything." Natsu asked Mirajane, the barmaid shocked that the dragon-slayer was still sober while Cana and Zeke were starting wooble.

"It must be your matabil...metabill...dragon-slayer stuff what keeps you from getting drunk." A flushed Zeke stated. "Your fire magic (hiccup) must burns off the alcohol before it reaches your...your...what's the word?"

"Brain?" Cana chimed in.

"That's it!" The brunette said as he sloppily finished off his drink.

"Is this like that theory you have about all the beer Cana drinks going directly to her boobs?" The salmon-haired wizard asked. Hearing this, the card wizard looked down at her chest and squeezed them together.

"That...would make way too much sense."

 _ **Thirteen drinks later...**_

"H-Have I ever (hiccup) told you that you're my (hiccup) best friend, Natsu?" A fully-plastered Zeke said as leaned on the dragon-slayer.

"About six times now." Natsu replied, getting annoyed and cursing the fact that he was still sober.

"Hey, Nashu." The salmon-haired wizard turned and saw Cana looking at him with a weird expression. "Would you and Lyssa ever consider a Menage a tous?"

"The hell is that?"

"(Hiccup) It means threesome." Zeke answered. If Natsu hadn't felt uncomfortable at Zeke's ten minute praising of his ex's ass, he sure as hell did now.

"I think you guys have had enough." Mirajane replied with an uneasy expression.

"You think?!" Natsu yelled.

The next day, Cana groaned as she woke up behind the bar. The events of the last night were a bit fuzzy but she did notice a sticky note attached to her head. She pulled it off and started reading it.

 _Dear Cana,_

 _Natsu told me about your...proposal. And let just tell right now that I know you were pretty drunk at the time. But let me make one thing clear._

 _Natsu is mine. And no one else's._

 _But like I said, you were drunk, so I let you off with a warning. But if you do try to do what you did last night while you're sober, you'll find out what terminal velocity is._

 _Sincerely, Alyssa_

Reading the note made the card wizard sweat and shake. 'Note to self. Never drink near Natsu again.'

In another part of town, Zeke was hurling the contents of his dinner into the toilet. 'Note to self. Never drink again. Ever.'

 **Author's Note 2: Did you love it? Did you hate it? Are you sick of waiting for the New Chapter of A New Day?...Well give it a day.**


End file.
